Freewriting on Paper Topic 2

In my paper I’m going to take what elements are similar and compare them to how they are used to appeal to a similar type audience. I’m going to talk about the lighting and the camera angles and the background noises and background in general. I’ll mention how the cologne commercial is aimed to dedicated and persistent men and how the airbrush makeup commercial is aimed towards women who are looking for something good to happen. The thesis will ultimately relate to the effect that all of these effects will have on the audience. I don’t really know how to write about this further without writing the full paper and doing a full analysis so I guess this is it for now.


Outline for Paper 2

I. Introduction: About cologne and airbrush makeup commercials and how their elements of beauty appeal to a specific audience and with what effects.

Thesis: Hugo Boss and Revlon both advertise to specific audiences using distinct camera angles, lightings, and plots to appeal to the aesthetic feelings of the viewer to persuade them to purchase their products in order to feel a certain way that is beneficial to them despite their current status.

II. Body

a) Content of each commercial and compare and contrast.

b) Lighting and camera angles in each to visually aesthetically please.

c) Significance and appearance behind the commercial to intrigue a certain audience to buy the products.

d) The plot behind each commercial to motivate said audience to buy the products.

III. Conclusion: Tie in all of these elements on how they inspire a targeted audience to think that they need to buy these products in order to feel a certain way about themselves.

Paper 2 idea?

I want to use two advertisements that are both technically cosmetology related. One being an advertisement for a cologne and the other being this airbrush makeup. I think what I want to do is explain who their target audiences are and how the elements of the commercial intrigue that audience to buy into the product being advertised. With the cinematic elements of the video adverts, they bring in several beautiful qualities and that’s what the eye loves to see.

The Hugo Boss ad features actor/musician Jared Leto who is walking like he is on a mission until he is stopped by several rows of red lights and says in the background, “Stopping won’t get you anywhere … Red means go … Hugo Red, the new fragrance for men.” Then all of the red lights shatter and he proceeds to walk through the wreckage of the lights and continues at his fast pace.

The Revlon commercial features actress Emma Stone who is holding onto some parchment of paper that blows away in the wind and she blissfully follows after it. She says in the background, “Light as air, your mood, your step, even your makeup.” She follows the paper and it lands on the ground beneath the foot of a gentleman’s leg. Then there’s examples of her putting on this airbrush foam makeup.


Hugo Boss:


Looking back.

Paper 1 I felt like was successful in the end. Including the community aspect into my thesis which added more of an audience feel was a definite plus. I decided to eliminate the minor bit about TED’s history because it was no longer relevant to my tweaked thesis. The process went well overall after I finally found a moment of clarity and some examples to back up my claims. So I believe that it concluded well and I hope that my next paper will be even smoother than this previous paper.

Problem Paragraph for Paper 1

“With bringing so many ideas to the table, TED also has a community section on its page. This page features all kinds of people from across the planet with backgrounds that are viable to whatever subject you type in or want to research. You can also search for a specific member of the community if you’re interested in a particular person’s background. This part of the blogging site helps connect bright minds and allows people to learn from one another. “


For one I understand that this short because it is rough but I don’t know if bringing in the community aspect of the blog would be a good idea or not. I was also going to bring into the paragraph or the next one some of the history of the blog but I’m not entirely sure if that’s pertinent to the goal of the assignment. 

Moving from Idea to Thesis Statement

  • To take a position on your thesis you can have a bit of a subjective thought process to back up your claims which in turn have more of your opinion but as long as it can also be seen objectively it should be viable enough to be a strong thesis.
  • It has strengthened my thesis personally because it has shown me different routes to go about while looking for certain key points to write about and how to write about them. I can further develop my own claims by digging into more perspectives that perhaps the audience has and how the exigence can be used properly.
  • My ideas are working theses technically because they are subject to change and be modified. This provides infinitely more freedom than a typical concrete thesis that has to argue one point and one point only versus a working thesis which can alternate between various subjects all in one sentence.
  • A strong thesis would be one that holds value in the argument you uphold versus a weak thesis being flimsy and easy to deface. A weak version of my thesis would be: The TED blog is good for inspiring people and spreading ideas. Now a stronger thesis would be: The TED Blog exists to inspire people around the world and encourages anyone and everyone who has an idea to communicate with one another about it so that knowledge can be spread and celebrated in an engaging way.
  • The feature of my subject would probably be my highlight of how TED spreads information in a cool way. This is more a special feature because it’s an argument that’s not easily defaced and it’s intriguing to about anyone who would be interested in checking that blog out. This is evident because there are various kinds of people on the feed of the website talking about thousands of different subject matters.
  • My thesis is in need of an argument because it needs to be countered. It needs to be spoken about from a perspective other than mine. With that, it can be debated on and be either proved correct or wrong depending on the individual.


Try This 11.1

  1. The tension can immediately be found in the first phrase, “it may not seem like it, but.” That right there sounds like a setup for a phrase that is about to be written that can possibly be offensive by default. The primary idea is that this “Nice Pants” is a radical campaign along with the Docker series while the back pressure is essentially saying that it’s not really a radical campaign but a logical thing to talk about.
  2. Tension is found particularly at the end of the thesis when, “in the aggregate it makes life worse for everyone.” It’s actually a false statement, cosmetic surgery is NOT bad for everyone, which could easily get a rise out of people who believe the same thing. The primary idea is that if people who oppose cosmetic surgery easily give in to those who argue against it and change their views then life will basically be worse for everyone while the back pressure would be cosmetic surgery could make all the individuals that get it happy and that it doesn’t affect anyone else.
  3. There’s a lot less tension in this example because of the word “surely”. Just that word gives space to oppose the thesis without many hard feelings. The primary idea is that the way the history of thought towards one’s self is thought to be a bit excessive but there is “surely” feelings that are similar to this from every kind of inquiry. The back pressure could simply be that the history of thought isn’t as excessive as it is written out to be.
  4. The tension is more subtle but it is within the second sentence of the thesis. That’s where it can be argumentative. The primary idea is that builders and constructive engineers do not look at what they are hacking down in order to build on top of, that being nature. The back pressure could be that builders do these things in order to provide certain environments and work places to create a more efficient place for some people to work and benefit the human race.
  5. This thesis does not have much room for tension, it’s basically just an opinion. The primary idea is that middlebrow should be brought back into rotation for common use instead of being closeted for so long. Back pressure could be applied by stating that middlebrow should simply be ignored instead being brought back into whatever fashion is being written about.
  6. Tension can quickly be created with saying that cell phones are not proper engagement with others. Ask any teenager. The primary idea is that places hold a unique experience key to one’s own perspective and with other people versus that cell phones simply are not significant enough to hold experiences with other people. A lot of back pressure can be applied to this argument because sometimes people can’t be physically together in one place so they can use cell phones to communicate with each other while they are apart from one another.

Straw Man

  • A straw man can easily be created from the first thesis example. There is easily not enough info to back up the argument so it can be turned against without too much effort. A way to make this thesis statement even weaker would be: “Nice Pants” is pretty intense like the Docker series.